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Fish Food Smells Bad [12 Feb 2004|11:09pm]
[ mood | oily ]

We now have fish and a cat. Isn’t sharing fun…..? We also have cable with I-control so that I can finally see the sixth season of Sex and the City and the final episode. I’ll stop with the speaking now in the plural co-dependent form and speak as though I am a capable human that still has a desire to reach my passions.

WORK SUCKS! Everyday it is the same damn thing. I cannot believe that I didn’t just reapply. What the hell? Even if I had just one class I think that I would feel a little more grounded. For the past two years I have been thinking about a new screenplay. I believe that I really started to think about it way back when I filmed Shannon in the woods behind my house doing weird things with children toys. Anyway, it pertains to a nursery rhyme character that has lost her sheep, but their tails won’t come home a wagging….

I keep thinking to myself, keep working this piece of shit job until you can find something else or make enough money to buy a shitload of clothes in Las Vegas next time you go. The pay is okay I guess and it beats working with food. Well, lemme take that back. At least when you work with food you don’t have to wipe someone else’s arse.

The big V-day is coming up and all I can think about is what I did last year. Chris, Krystel, Rebecca and I went out. We were out to celebrate being single and also to lure someone home with us so that we could have a full blown orgy. *yeah!* How things have changed. I guess that it’s nice. It is very nice. I have to say that a lot of bullshit has been thrown my way and I’ve thrown a lot of bullshit back but in the end it works.

As I was watching Traci Lords today, on CNN, I thought back to where I was in high school. I was frustrated but I knew deep down that everything would work out. It has. I just believe that I am in a deep, deep transitional point in my life and that it’ll all be worth something in the long run. I can already tell you the things that I have learned but I won’t. Too much, too long and I’m tried of exposing shit like that via the internet.

Humble, yes. Content, pretty much. Carefree, not yet. Living, more than I ever have before. I think that my anxiety problems have really all been washed away. There’s one thing my relationship has helped. Me shut up now.

Love all!

PS – I may be home sometime over the next two weeks. Who is up for doing something fun like playing hide and seek? Woohoooooo! I just may stop by Greensboro next Friday. I will call those who this little smudge of info concerns. Adios.

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[31 Dec 2003|02:55am]
[ mood | blah ]

And so the parents know now. My sister has become my best friend and defender. I know you guys are going to choke me but I am having a little bit of separation anxiety. I miss my N8.

End of that...

Now, I have graduated, I am moving to LA next summer, I got a huge ass raise at work and I am writing a new screenplay.

For the New Year....

-Filming for The Pains of Slumber will be complete by the end of January.
-One class at UNCW. One more screenplay under my belt.
-Trigger premieres in January.
-I plan to do a photo shoot once a month.
-I am moving out of my apartment soon.
-The Pains of Slumber will premiere in March.
-Got to save for grad school.
-I've been optioned to direct an independent film this summer.
-I will read a classic a month and forget the list that I had. I have my whole life to read.
-To not give a shit and become the person I was before I stressed out with school, was working on four jobs for a film I should have only been working one, to become who I was when I met who I'm with and to not worry.

What I did this past year....

-Wrote two screenplays.
-Was cinematographer on the film Trigger.
-Directed a music video.
-Competed in over 15 dance competitions.
-Was a headlining dancer and chorographer for the Bartender's Ball.
-Graduated for UNCW.
-Went to Las Vegas.
-Saw the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam.
-I finally saw the desert and the Rockies.
-Found the other part of me.


In numerology my digit is 22, the highest and strongest. It is said that the 22nd year with this number is the year of learning and becoming whole.

I've learned more about myself and others than I ever have. I may be selfish and hard headed but at the same time I am me. It is who I always will be. I know that there are things that I will never be able to control so from now on I am just letting it be. It is all one can.

This past semester really drained a lot of life from me. I can feel it coming back though. There were so many things to concentrate on but I pulled through. In the past I was able to focus on three or four goals at once. The past few months showed me that maybe that is not the best way of going about things. I started to give everything 100 percent of myself and in the end ended up giving half of that. I may not be able to give as much as I once could or ever do what I did. But, there is a focus on motivation now. Nothing is going to change that. I've made it this far and I am willing to push the buttons and see if things do explode. I may end up on my ass in the future but I'd rather have it that way than to have just been on my ass the whole time.

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The Pains of Slumber - Update #1 [10 Nov 2003|06:42pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I really didn’t know what to expect Saturday. The locations weren’t secured and Roger didn’t let us in until thirty or forty minutes after we got there. While Justin and I were outside waiting there was of all this crazy nature buzzing around. In the bushes yellow jackets were swarming, there were hundreds of lizards trying to be warmed by the morning light and on the front porch there was a large black widow spider. In an effort to capture this all on film I caught the spider and dropped it. I never found it again and I was paranoid that it was on me somewhere the rest of the day.
Show got there on time. She’s amazing and willing to do anything I ask her to. I just hope that if she ever feels uncomfortable she’ll let me know. We shot the shower scene and that required her to get naked. I found out today that so far, I am the only UNCW film student to portray a naked female on screen thus far. I didn’t write it to exploit, I wrote it because it is a natural event that happens with us humans everyday. The only reason that it is shown on film is the fact that I needed something to let the snake in the front door. Something to make her unaware that she was about to have something crawl in and around in her house.
For such a short scene we filmed about thirty minutes worth of footage. I am very pleased with the look and only disappointed in the sound quality but Justin insures me that I have nothing to worry about. I trust him as my DP and friend.
Today we had a long talk with Dave about the status of our production. Because of Roger we have fallen behind. Dave does keep encouraging us though. We just need to be concerned and only concentrate on our specific jobs. Me as the director was getting a little burnt out for a while due to having to act as a producer. I know that most do but I didn’t have hardly any help at all.
I think that is about to change though. We went to the Dixie Grill today to prepare for this weekend. It is a great location but we only have it from 3pm until 9 or so. I am worried about the natural light change. There again, Justin tells me to trust him. We went to the serpentarium afterward to beg to have snakes for the film. I have been looking since the beginning of the summer and I still haven’t found what I wanted. I never thought that a huge place such as a zoo or the serpentarium would help me. WAS I EVER WRONG!? Dean Ripa, the owner, came down and talked to us for almost 15 minutes. In such a short while we connected so strongly. He told me that he was a nightclub singer, had sleep paralysis and obviously owns the serpentarium. He seemed fascinated by the story. I am meeting with him sometime tomorrow or Wednesday to give him more information and the screenplay.
I need to get in touch with Melissa so that she can obtain location contracts and our insurance policies. I need to get her to work more closely to Roger than to report back to me. It’s such a hassle to go three ways like that. I know that it is my movie, it’s my baby but I am so burnt out of setting locations, casting and doing paper work all by myself that I am losing the creative drive that made me want to write and direct this. As Justin and I pick, The Pains of Slumber is being a pain in the ass. But, it is going to look good as hell onscreen.

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[10 Oct 2003|02:39pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

I’m still here and now I am strong again. There was a point where I was growing a little weak, too weak. Everything is changing now. I don’t feel so dependent anymore and at first I thought it was a bad thing. I honestly got to a point where all the emotions and all the love just went numb. I’m still recovering from that. It’s healing fast. For twenty two years I have been alone and driven to become something better than I was. Suddenly someone steps into my life and saves me from heartache and loneliness. He heals me and my life becomes united. Later comes the worrying, later comes the circumstances. Out of all the confusion and madness I made it. I never felt trapped but I did feel let down and it was mostly because my expectations were a little high. Hell, that is the whole reason I made myself be alone for so long. There comes times when I feel like nothing I can say will be funny, nothing I can give will be enough and nothing I imagine will ever come true. Then there are other times when it all just smacks me in the face and I realize that I am happy. So happy in fact that I over look what needs to be done and give my all to someone that sometimes cannot give it back.
I’ve learned more in the past four months than I have in my entire life about love and relationships. A while back I craved to have someone that could make me laugh. I still want that, but there are times when I feel too passionate and unresolved to smile and joke. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. I always thought that confronting things before I over analyzed them would be the best. It is not a lot of times.
I get disappointed sometimes that I put my life on hold a little while and I am not receiving exactly what I want. I like those times though because it makes me remember who I was and what I want to do. I am still driven totally. Maybe a little burnt out of certain things but still driven and longing to become what I want. That will never leave. The only thing I am really worried about is if I will ever have enough time to accomplish everything that I desire.
He told me that he is here to comfort me and make my life a little easier. He’s here for more than that at least in my eyes.

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[26 Jul 2003|10:48pm]
Can I just express how much I dislike Amy Lee of Evanescence? I grow even more less fond of her every interview I read. That bitch is going to fall on her ass hard pretty soon. Musically, she fooled me at first, or should I say they? I thought a lot of it sounded very familiar but I could never place my finger on it. Now I know that it's a cop off of everything from Tori's Sugar, Manson's music, the Alien movie tralier and various other things that I could spend all night depicting. Ugh! It's not usual that I express my dislikes on here and I am not trying to prove any point. I just really dislike this band.

But me love you guys!
Justin

PS I had to go to the ER last night. I should be a spokes person now for Dermaglue...haha All in club wear and everything. Stupid If dance and stupid overhead light fixtures! I now have one hand to type with and the showers aren't too easy....but thank god I have someone in my life that is willing to wash me.
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Maybe someday I can be an extra on MASH [06 Jul 2003|11:26pm]
[ mood | good ]

"I go round and round just like a circle
I can see a clearer picture
When I touch the ground I come full circle
To my place and I am home
I am home"

It's amazing sometimes how it feels when I our cups are full, but take a sip and you start to feel a little empty. I'm not chugging this one.

What a weekend. What a great way to start a very, very busy week of work.

Wish me luck.

Justin

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Lasting [03 Jul 2003|01:45am]
[ mood | curious ]

I was an inch away from writing something happy and sappy, but then I would end up like half of the LJ population. It always curses me too.

Anyway, Terminator 3 sort of blew me away. I didn’t expect what I saw. Norwegian hot ass tasting blood! It jump started something inside of me.

It felt good to have a hand in mine while watching all of the T movies the past two days.

Tori Amos can kiss my ass for picking bobble heads over pretty graveyards.

I miss a lot of people. I miss myself. But oh well, that’s how it is.

Out

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The clay is ripe, my hands are free and don’t think that I am not going to mold something. [01 Jun 2003|02:08am]
[ mood | happy ]

Sometimes one needs something like being touched. I once had something and I lost it. I have it back now and I am sort of playing with the fact that I was in the right. However, I would never announce that to them.

Sometimes people need secrets. I have one. Guess what though? Ya’ll ain’t gonna hear it.

To someone that made my day Friday a little better than it was going, a little longer than it should have been and a little more less lonely than we both know, thank you.

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[04 May 2003|01:02am]
[ mood | excited ]

What the hell happened this past week? I don’t know where it went and I want it back. I’m saddened to realize that it will never come as it did. I only to hope to have weeks this good more often. Maybe I do over analyze things, but it’s all for the greater. I have to keep motivated somehow. To do so I pretend and imagine things. Then, I always want to talk about them. I think my friends are a little frightened at the way my mind works. But, they are still here. Always around when I need them and even when I don’t. They tell me things that make me happy. They let me know that I am talented and they compliment me all the time. I always try to find things in them as well. I never stress something out that I don’t mean. I was once told that I had talent pouring out of my asshole. I don’t believe that. I just think that I am overambitious. I keep up, but one thing always out balances the other somehow. I haven’t seemed to figure out which of what I need to do. I just have a good feeling that I am going in the right direction. Whether it is screenwriting, dancing, filming, and taking care of the handicapped or what not. Sometimes it feels weird to say that I am a writer, but that is my main job right now. Screenwriting is something that I never thought I would be so passionate about. I suck at writing narratives and essays and I know that I am not the brightest apple in the bushel. However, I have a knack for writing for the screen. It excites me, it gives me the best feeling in the whole world when I have come up with a great idea and have translated it onto paper. With dance it is the same thing. Except the emotionally side to it is not long lasting. I’ll chorograph a dance and perform it. The next thing I know is that it is over. At least with film and writing I have evidence that I was once there. There at my little desk typing my big hands typing away or on a set telling someone to get me a cookie form craft services. I realized that all I want in life is to be heard. I think that we all do. I just see something bigger for myself. Not anything financially or fame wise, but something else. I can’t explain it. I’m no better than anyone else. I think that if we all were to work hard at something we’d have a lot more to say. More to be heard. I just don’t want to sit back later on in life and say that I have nothing o show for myself. I don’t want to go out of my way to be something that I am not. Yet, I want to get somewhere, to a better place. I think that I am stepping up the ladder. I’m not sure how far it climbs or if I will fall, but if I do I hope that I can gaze back up and see the projects and faces I have encountered.
So about this great week I had, well, it all started last week when I was a little stressed out and my boss co-writer and I were in a little bit of a tiff. I had no real expectations of this past week being anything special. That’s always the beauty of it though. You never know what the next day is going to bring. It sounds sappy I am sure, but let me live the moment of it while I can. Dark things always lurk in my mind. Anyway, Monday started with a good grade, the second highest in the class. For our group that is. It brought a lot of gaps from the week before together. Also on Monday, I received a spill from my screenwriting teacher. A good one that is. He talks with such enthusiasm and passion that it projects into me, it envelopes me. It drives me harder to be something that I never thought I would. Then, Tuesday rolls around with a great sex dream from Monday night. I go to class and see all of my friends and cohorts, they’re smiling. It’s something that we haven’t done in a while, because of the obstacles that school has troubled us with. I head to my two favorite classes that are back to back and taught by my favorite instructor of all time. He looks a little rough though, like he had run all the way from downtown to campus. I listen to his final speech on film theory and lack to realize that it is the second to last day of class. We have a final presentation given that made me nod off a little, but I still made some good points and debated as I usually do. I promised that I would bring Spirited Away to class that Thursday after film theory ended. I went outside to smoke and there was doormat along with others. Like a magnet they rushed me. I was looking a little like shit too. I swear that it’s always the days after the long nights of editing that I get approached. Unshaven and in the clothes I had put on the night before. Maybe they see that I am only human. Not to say that I am on a platform higher than they, but maybe they realize that I am not the way I dress or hold myself. That doesn’t make me fake, because I am not. I like what I like and I dress how I dress, it’s just Justin. Back to the point, I go back into to my senior seminar class and sit down. I listen to a certain someone give his last presentation. Months before I had taken an interest in him. It never moved anywhere so I didn’t linger either. And so, after class ended I went to speak to my instructor, the one who speaks of great things and always has something positive or witty to say. Rebecca says that we are what he stands for and he sees that in us. She also comes into class with a walking stick and no injuries, she also sings aloud hoping that someone will hear her and she never fails to take drugs before the duration of class begins. That’s why I love her. She’s herself and there are none else in this world like her. She is the true meaning of free. So, as I am talking to ‘Dr. Spock’ I am interrupted by someone. The someone that I never lingered on about. In that split second I saw a flash. A flash of him moving all the way across class to sit near me and to speak to me. It had never occurred to me that he wanted to be heard as well. I was blinded by guessing what drugs Rebecca was on each time she’d enter the class loudly after it had already been going for twenty minutes. “So Justin, what are you doing tonight?” he asks. And, not to sound too busy or not busy at all I said, “Oh, I am just editing more of my film reel for grad school.” Before I sounded too intimidating I whipped, “why, what are you doing?” I learned what he was doing and I went, but I was interrupted by Rebecca’s film screening and I didn’t get a chance to congratulate him. I was instead thrust into a small bar waiting for Mr. Joshua Jackson to appear. As Wednesday was a blur, it was also a day of rest. Thursday comes and so does a meeting with our boss. We first received diamonds and gold from him along with our paycheck. Bejeweled enough already? No, I was missing my pearl necklace in which was asked about by that same person who asked me out. And so Spirited Away was amazing as was the last day of this semester. The funny thing is that I didn’t realize it was the last day. It seems like yesterday I was in Atlanta with the flu, a huge dance performance and a bus driver who had amnesia. They each left me one by one. I had the film and ‘Dr. Spock’ wanted to see the end. I had to stay the extra time to let him view it. I was in no rush, but I didn’t get a chance to really speak to Mr. Pearl Necklace. Then it was work and no sleep until 11am Friday morning after I retyped two final papers. The rest of Friday drifted by so fast with sleep that I felt like I wasn’t me. Good news that our film is insured for 2 million came late Friday night and a great compliment at that about my style of filming. Today began with an awakening, a late on. I went to dance team try outs and did fairly well considering that I was half asleep and that I had to learn a whole routine in 30 minutes. Then came my friends and a great storm.
I only hope that the intensity of school coming to an end this semester is not going to be as great this fall when I graduate. If so, I will be extremely emotional. Why do I enjoy this stress? It’s because I feel like I am a part of a team. Sometimes I play the Alpha and sometimes the Omega. It’s the beginning and the end. Amen.

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I'm open now, but I never have anytime to sell anything. [18 Apr 2003|06:02pm]
[ mood | touched ]

The sky may be crying but I’m not.
What a glorious day to be me.

“Nothing fails
No more fears
Nothing fails
You’ve washed away my tears

I’m not religious but I feel so moved
Makes me wanna pray
Pray you’ll always be here
I’m not religious but I feel such love, makes me wanna pray”

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Sums it up pretty well. The current status of my life that is. [25 Mar 2003|04:34am]
[ mood | Failure to an extent ]

"I,
Tried to be a boy
Tried to be a girl
Tried to be a mess
Tried to be the best

Tried to find a friend
Tried to stay ahead
Tried to stay on top
But somehow I forgot

Do I have to change my name? Will it get me far?
Do I have to lose some weight? Am I going to be a star?

American life
I live the American dream
You are the best thing I've seen
You are not just a dream

.I'm diggin' on the Isotope, this metaphysic shit is dope. And, if all this can give me hope, you know I'm satisfied.I'd like to express my extreme point of view. I'm not a Christian, I'm not a Jew. I'm just living out the American dream and I just realized that nothing is what it seems..Do you think I'm satisfied?

Fuck it!"

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"Not Tonight Josephine" [02 Mar 2003|07:08am]
[ mood | confused ]

I've been alone, but in the hands of good people. And, I must say that I don't know what to do but to just work through it like I always do. My worst enemy has been kissing me and I like it. There's a fuel feeding that fire. Sarah is incorrect, hell might just freeze over.

I miss my dad.

3 comments|post comment

"dropped off the edge again..." [27 Feb 2003|03:41am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I made it through without crying. I'm glad she was in a good mood because if she had played any other ballads other than "Baker Baker" and "Can't See New York" I would have had to cover my face. Instead, there was "Honey" and "Bliss" and, I actually looked around the auditorium to see if I could spot Miss Meagle...."Father, I killed my monkey," was how I met the Mistress.

Once off the stupid interstate Greensboro isn't that bad. I guess....and I made it all the way back here without crashing although we did slide around.

It was a sunny day despite the rain.

Elo

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Anti Co-Dependence [31 Jan 2003|06:57am]
Just when I claim independence I get the damn flu and now that I am over it, I feel like I haven't succeeded in anything.
I'm going out tonight and I wearing my new shirt!

The depression left and so did Krista and the carnies. I miss them, but their story is complete and in a final draft. There's a new voice though, something darker. Her name is Vespula and she has always been here.
I'm excited to write about her, but it's going to pull a lot out of me. I just hope that there are no blue spots when I lay down. That wasn't very fun last time...
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It's In His Hands....It Always Was. [15 Jan 2003|03:43pm]
[ mood | Sick/Paula says I'm glowing ]

I finally made a move. Got asked out again, but like it always happens I am going to be out of town this weekend. So, it's up to him. My hand is on the table and if he hasn't got the point by now then I am moving on. But it's a good thing...a very good thing.

With a usual exchange of words, a special Justin account and a sinus infection I finally did it. Thank god it is over. Maybe from now on things will be a lot easier. Why is approaching someone so hard for me? I such a chicken shit at times.

I had a dream that he was a horse racing jockey and was getting ready to ride one of those crazy horses from The Ring. Like the little boy in the movie, I drew pictures revealing what would happen if he did. I woke up right when he got on the horse's back. Wonder what that translates to?

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U-N-I-T-Y that's a Unity [13 Jan 2003|08:31pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

With sore, carpet burned knees I went out for my birthday Saturday night.
Between the eight hours of dance per day since Tuesday and the lack of sleep I actually had a great time. Someone, the only thing that I really wanted for my birthday, didn't show. I got over it pretty fast. Just gives me a reason to go shopping at a certain store even more. I was approached, molested and then stalked by this guy who reminded me of my godfather's son. Not that he was bad looking; he was just very drunk and horny. He never got the point and so on the taxi ride back to Anna's I bit his finger and told the cabby to drop him off at Perkin's. As the night progressed to morning I found myself with only thirty minutes of sleep. Zoolander, the movie I was forced to watch because I was offered a modeling job Thursday, was playing and I had to turn it off. As I was doing so I heard someone in the living room peeing. Yes, and it was on the carpet. I went in the living room to see someone that no one even knew lying in the floor, pants off, in fetal position in a puddle of his own urine. I smirked and smoked analyzing the situation. Dance rehearsal started at 11AM and everyone was drunk. I made it there early and danced until 3, went home showered, and then went to the mall in pursuit of pants. Rachel showed me a picture of the night before. It was us and these two black girls. One of them looked like Queen Latifa. The only thing I remember is that Rachel randomly looked at her and started singing UNITY. The picture is crazy. If I had a copy I'd post it.

My numerology number is 22 and it is the strongest number of all. So far this year as been the shit!

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Thank god it's an odd number.....2003 [01 Jan 2003|12:21pm]
[ mood | Skanky ]

2002 somewhat sucked, but on the other hand it was really great…

About three weeks ago I actually thought I was going crazy. I was seeing blue spots and feeling zaps of electricity go through me when I would lie down. Screenplay characters would speak to me and I really thought that my mom was going to admit me into Broughton when I got back here for x-mas break. It turns out that everything is okay now. I’m finished with the first draft of my screenplay and they stopped talking! Woohoo! You have a crazy professor talking to you and you see how sane you feel in the end.

The stress is gone.

I’ve started to use built up rage to push me forward. I really did just complete one of, if not the hardest, moments of my life. It hit rock bottom at one point, but it’s nothing to whine about. I’m not really a whiner…

Don’t expect any more posts anytime soon.

Me out.

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To Smeagol [23 Dec 2002|02:04pm]
"Where once was light..........................now darkness falls

Where once was love............................love is no more

Don't say goodbye..............................don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry of falling rain.............for all the lies you told us

The hurt.......................................the blame

and we will weep...............................to be so alone

We are lost we can never go home

So in the end I'll be what I will be...........no loyal friend was ever there for me

now we say.....................................goodbye

we say.........................................you didn't try

These tears you cry have come too late.........take back the lies

the hurt.......................................the blame

and you will weep when you face the end alone

you are lost you can never go home
you are lost you can never go home"
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On the Verge of Terra Incognita [24 Oct 2002|01:46pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I want to find that hidden place and stay there with that hidden person or persons. I want to be able to sleep in peace with no fear of becoming prey to an animal larger than I. I want to have a life that is moist and full of darkness, but I can’t. I cannot because I’d get sick and die from some fungal matter. Oh well, no caves for me, although I can always pretend underneath the covers in my bed. That’s where a lot of time is spent pondering. It’s a nice place to me.

“Leaving Terra, leaving Terra...

If you’re a thought
you will want me to think you
and I did.
Invited a guest
up until you announced that you had moved on.
‘What do you plan to do with all your freedom?’
The new sheriff said
quite proud of his badge.
‘This must mean the land is now in good hands,’
Yes time will tell that
‘You just lift your lamp’

I will follow her on her path
Scarlet’s walk through the violets
Just tell your gods for me
All debts are off this year
They’re free to live
Yes
They’re to live

Leaving Terra…

There was a time
When I thought that her destiny should have been mine
Big brave nation
But instead her medicine
Now forgotten
‘What do you plan to do with all you’re stories?’
the new sheriff said
quite proud of his badge
‘We’ll weave them through every rocket’s red glare
and huddle masses
you just lift your lamp’

I will follow her on her path
Scarlet’s walk through the violets
Just tell your gods for me
All debts are off this year
They’re free to live
Yes
They’re to live

Leaving Terra…

If you’re a thought
You will want me to think
And I did
And I did”

These are lyrics from Tori’s title track from her new album. Each song takes place in a different state. A road trip across America. This one and another are exceptions. North Carolina has two songs. That is pretty special to me. This one just happens to take place in the mountains of North Carolina.

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Sex me so good I sa Blah Blah Blah [16 Oct 2002|09:50pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I have a new favorite song. It is called Taxi Ride. It is a Tori Amos song. They told me in Kindergarten that if I didn’t cut outside of the lines that I would never make it to first grade. I am graduating this spring. I am bored. I have to be at work soon. I am hot. I have been sitting in class all afternoon. It was fun. I was in the lighting and grip department of the movie studio for 8 hours. The new Tori Amos video kicks crack. You should watch it. If I was talented enough to post a link on here I would. I am just too lazy to try and figure out how. Here it is. www.hereinmyhead.com Did that work…? I do not know. There is a Cujo two coming out next year. It is made for TV. You this makes you feel weird then stop reading. There is a sniper on the loose. A black hole in our galaxy. North Korea has a nuclear program. The “Dude you’re gettin’ a DELL’ guy is calling it quits. Wow. What a day. What a week. What a year. I feel good. I am going to see the Ring this Friday. Thank you Kim…. I love you long time. Where will I be in a year? I want to go to grad school. Where will I attend? I need to save money. I need to shave my pubic area. It itches. I hate razor burn. Some people crack me up by the way they act. Some people are just stupid. I am stopping.

lily is dancing
on the table
we've all been
pushed
too far
i guess on days
like this
you know who your
friends are
just another dead fag
to you that's all
just another light missing
on a long taxi ride
taxi ride

and i'm down to
your last cigarette and
this "we are one" crap
as you're invading
this thing you call love - she smiles way too much but
i'm glad you're
on my side, sure
i'm glad you're on
my side still

you think you deserve
a trust fund
just because you want one
sure you talk the talk
when you need to
i fear
the whole world is
starting to
believe you
just another dead fag
to you that's all
just another light missing
in a long taxi line
taxi line

and i"m down to
your last cigarette and
this "we are one" crap
as you're invading
this thing you call
love - she smiles
way too much but
i'm glad you're on my side,
sure
i'm glad you're on my side still

lily is dancing
on the
table
we've all been pushed
too far today
even a glamorous bitch
can be in
need
this is where you know
the honey
from the
killer bees
i'm glad you're on
my side
sure
i'm glad you're on
my side
sure
i'm glad you're on my side still

got a long taxi ride
got a long taxi ride

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